hello ! ^^

it's been awhile, & so much happened !
and i really mean alot [:

for the past week, i've been out with my family, both mum and dad's side.
and that explains why i haven't been blogging.
heh.
and w* was with me all these while.
it feels good [:

yesterday's dinner at myhumblehouse was good.
family & him [:

the last thing my dad told w* before he left for the airport was
"if my daughter gets into any trouble, get her out of it!"
oh daddy daddy,
he's so cute.
heh.

& our dear william drove me nuts today !
<3 <3 <3! [:








forever & ever, babe.

i've always believed that the word "forever" is cursed and i never dared to use it.
cos i believed that if i'd say forever, it'll not be forever.
but this time, i believe that this love would overcome anything,
cos baby,
i believe.
& i wanna say,
i'll love you forever and ever babe.
i swear.

flying kisses.

7:58 PM

come what may.

for the past four days, w* was with me at the wake [:
that somehow made me felt better.

& my whole paternal[?] side of the family knows him.
when i say whole, i mean EVEYONE.
and they address him as my bf ! :/
wtf.

but it was nice,
everyone liked him [:
i like him too ^^ heh.
not that he's my bf tho.
HAHAHAH.
but we have our reasons,
& im just lazy to explain,
so too bad if you dont know!
^^

well, i never knew my parents were ok with things like this :/
they really didn't mind him being there.
infact, they want him to be there.
and patricia says that he's cute ! :D
heh.

and i spent 21 hours with w* yesterday [:

i was sick after the wake.
i vomitted like 3 times ?
and w* was there taking care of me ^^
i felt so much better.
and i even fell asleep on his shoulders!
he was holding on to me everywhere we went,
cos i couldn't even walk properly.

when im at my weakest, w* was there for me.
he even said that he've never ever seen me so vunerable before,
& he was glad that he did,
cos he could be there for me [:

i was with him all the way till 4am yesterday ! [:
while my bro and warren were at mos,
i decided that im NOT GONNA GO,
so w* and i went for a walk all the way till 4am [:
ahh, it was nice !

& as for today,
my parents invited w* for dinner at some open air resturant at mt faber.
it was sucha pretty place!
too bad it wasnt just the both of us :x
heh.
but it was nice.

and when we went over to some wine garage for a drink,
my parents were super high lah.
i dont know whyyyy.
my mum even said " if u wanna be with my little girl, u better work hard "
!!!!!! :/
and my dad,
" my daughter not easy to handle, u better teach her blah blah.."
!!!!! :/

it fel really weird lah ! :/
but i was really happy lah :D
everything seems like a fairytale now.
and i know,
its my grandma who's blessing us.
thankyouforeverything.

& i so miss him now ):

tell me it's meant to be baby.

12:15 AM

come what may.

cherish.

i guess i saw it coming.
it was a 13 then a 21.

i was just glad then i went to see her the day before and made it in time before she left.
i guess she's happier now.

i've never said this to you,
but i love you grandma.

i'll miss the times you nag and me and ask me to off ur lights before i use the phone.

& many thanks to ngiam who was on the phone with me,
& also to w* and alex who wrote me a card.

<3.

10:26 PM

come what may.

my horoscope says :
Pick up the phone and make a call. It's time to learn where you two are headed.

):
i wanna know too.
i wanna know where we're heading.

sometimes,
things just seem so uncertain?
i.don't.know.

you know,
i just fear.

yes i trust,
but how long can i hold when sometimes,
i just don't know what you're thinking?

ahh,
): piggy....

1:08 AM

come what may.

i'll be your life partner, and your beloved till the day you breathe your last breath. and have beautiful children just like us.

i'll grant you yourwish [:

2013.
i'll wait.
we'll wait.

4:41 PM

come what may.

it's been 30 mins since i last saw you,
& i miss you already ):

2013.
2017.
will you stick by this ?
cos i swear i would.

a part of me wants myself to be in tmr,
cos i know then,
you'll be here through the night [:

ahh,
i miss you piggy !
):

12:16 AM

come what may.

HELLO !
i'm back ! heh.

headed over to his tower first to pass him the box of things :D
and i saw the balloons,
they weren't floating already D:
but he said that some were still floating in mid air when he woke up :D
so my plan worked !
HEH.

we were watching some horror movie while waiting for alex to come.
H20. it's really damn gross lah :/


some of the stuff in the box.


the photo album !


i was wearing HIS shirt^^
heh. cos we were watching tv, so i din wanna end up messing my shirt up [:


birthday boy!




so,
vivocity is damn shiok! :D
it's so so so huge lah !
seriosuly huge.
and there's EVERYTHING there !

they were both damn mean lah !
kept temptimg me to look at the girl's stuff >;[
i never knew guys could be so irritating,
tempting a girl to shop ! tsk !

so we actually wanted to eat at some fancy grilled jap food resturant thingy,
but it was so packed!
everywhere was packed ! :/

oh and i saw serene and ji.
LOL

so we ended up back at town.
lol.
we ended up eating at 9 plus :/
we ate at that very nice jap resturant behind that starhub building.
we waited for a very long time for our turn ):
so, we cam-whored :D
HEH.
& & & we saw sun yan zi !
she's skinny :/

the food there is really worth the wait though.
so, go give it a try ! [:


alex's bowl of food was HUGE !


& then it was home sweet home.
with a little bit of time spend by the pool with w*
[:

i'm glad i made his day special.
[: heh.

happy birthday my dear pig! [:


happy birthday love! [:
that's my whatever sign to him ! ^^

12:15 AM

come what may.

HELLO !

guess what was the first thing i did when i woke up ! :D
heh.
reversi !
it's so fun !
heh.
elroy is my reversi friend !
MUAHAHAHA.

so,
i'll be heading to vivo city later !
YAYYYY ! :D
i'm so excited !
heh.

TAAAA !
but today's friday the thirteeen :/

11:15 AM

come what may.

HELLLO !

so,
i gave him the 21 balloons just now !
heh ^^

i cycled all the wayto serene's place before we both headed down to pp to get the balloons done.
& it looks really pretty ! [:

run out of pp with the balloons all to way back to our bikes,
& one of the balloon burst!
luckily i was smart, i bought extra! :D

so,
initially the plan was to cycle with it,
but guess what,
it was seriosuly impossible.
cos we had to cycle with one hand all the way back to my place?
which was really quite impossible, cos the balloons were flying in our direction.
ayee, so i had no choice but to cycle to serene's place and leave my bike there, & take a cab back :/

& i went over to his tower and asked him to look out of his window ^^
his dad was really cute !
he wanted one balloon, cos he had never ever received any before.
heh.
so cute lar.

tmr i'll probably be at town with w and his gay bf.
so yes,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY W* ! [:

11:45 PM

come what may.

101006 [:

hello!
GUESS WHAT!

my exams are OVERRRR !
:D
BYE BYE EOYS !
:D

heh.
i feel so much better now.
i feel less stress already !
[: pimples go away !
i have like 10 pimples on my face which really sucks !
): but i'm sure it'll go soon.

monday :
w&i shared a box of 20 piece nuggets :/
omg,
i feeel soooo fattttt.
whattt annnnn asssss heeeee isssss.
):
mugged mugged mugged.
):

tuesday:
art art and more art!
tuesday is a happy day ! [:
[: [: [:
& i won't tell you why !
heh.

wednesday:
END OF EOYS!
muahaha.
came back straight from school and i went cycling with w*.
i feel so lousy lah,
cycle abit only then CMI already ):

went over to pp after that.
& guess what !
he bought me and himself this dino hp thingy from MU EE
it's so bloody cute lar the dino !
hehe :D
when i saw it in the display i was like,
"omg ! so cuteeee ! "
heh.

and we ended up watching dorm at his place.
it's a nice show!
it's not the typical horror movie thing.
so
it's nice! :D
go watch go watch!
heh.

& i received the sweetest msg ever from w* awhile ago.
"lay ur trust with me. i'll wait for you"
[:
and yes w*,
i've fallen in love with you all over again.
[:

101006,
yes,
it's special [:

9:39 PM

come what may.

hellos!

it was pp today with ngiam to get bday present for her friend.
it's been a while since we last laughed so hard together.
i swear,
she's retarded.
haha.
"doo doo" " frenz 4eva" " toilet?"
HAHAHAHA.
*insiderrs.

& so, we made w* carry that 3/4 size of amanda ballon!
it's damn cute lah :D
heh.

& guess what!
it's lantern festival today!
or rather,
yesterday :D
haha.

i went to w* house in the evening first while waiting for alex.
we watched some show called forces of nature.
it's a very nice/not-common-love-story kinda thing.
it's really meaningful ! [:

alex joined use at 9 ?
& they stared watching BLEACH !
-.-"'
i tell you,
it's damn boring lah!
lol.

oh and u know what! ):
i saw this box where he keeps things from his ex gf g*.
and YOU KNOW WHAT!
i saw a photo album scrap book thingy.
):
AHHH.
mine like not special already!
):
oh well.
back to the moon! :D

we played with the candles :D
which was damn fun lar.
haha.
sorry, but it was really retarded playing with the candles instead of walking around with the lantern.
oh, but we did walk around with the lanterns.
i feel like a kid all over again,
with two grown man though ):

lol.
alright, shall let the pictures do the talking !
[:


pretty candles!
the wax was really fun to play with :D


middle pic 2 gays, COUPLE PIC ^^
& yes, we just sat there and play with the candles for a veryyy looong timee.
haha.


very cool pictures! :D
we were walking around with the lanterns.
heh.


middle row, 1st picture, w*'s sister.
middle row, last pic, w*'s room.
not like you can see anything. lol.


[:

1:16 AM

come what may.

omg,
im so in love with geog now!
:D
did 4 hours of geog today with w*.
it's the first time we mug so hard together !
whee

haha,
we didn't talk much you know :D
im so proud of myself !
muahaha.

& guess what,
4 hrs and im still not done!
):

i bet i wont be able to sleep early tonight.
AHH ):

nvm,
jia you ah bun!
:D

11:11 PM

come what may.

i was having a bad headache just now.
ahh,
i can't get ss into my head!
):

& i miss w so much.
ahhh.

there's this fear in me which is disallowing me to trust him.
cos i fear that i'll lose him thus i think alot and i'll fear.

it's not that i wanna think so much,
but my intuition is always right.
by thinking,
i get to the right and sensible solutions.

ahh,
i really needa trust him !
yesterday when he told me "trust me siobhan"
i melted.
literally.
i felt his sincerity through his voice and eyes.
i so wanna make myself trust him,
but i just can't.
cos i still fear.

i fear,
so bad ):

im gonna flunk math tmr ):
headache headache go away!

ni zhai na li?
):

10:38 PM

come what may.

so things are pretty much sorted out i guess.
i told him EVERYTHING.
and i really mean everything!.

well,
initially i was still angry with him yesterday.
but when alex came,
i sorta like stopped ignoring w* ?
yeah.
ahhh,

well,
i guess all i can do is to trust him now
[:

& btw,
he's meeting g* tonight.
(crazy ex gf)

aye,
he ask if i mind,
well,
i obviously said no i dont.
but obviously,
I DO MIND !
:/

ahh.
studying mode!
):

6:47 PM

come what may.

omg,
FREAKKKK !

LG phones can't save msges!
not that i know of.
UGHHH.
so annoying !
-
so yesterday was probabaly the worst day of my life.
i still don't get it.
what's that girl doing in villa marina?
i guess god just wanted me to know.
ahh, i'm so glad i walked out earlier than i should,
or i would not have seen them walking together.

i felt so cheated.
i've never ever felt so cheated before.
i called ngiam and she decided to make her way down.
and i called serene,
& finally couldn't take it anymore.
i just couldnt stop myself from *.

w* called,
then i acted pretty normal.
and then he asked.
" are you angry? "
"no im not "
"she's just a friend you know "
hello?!
did i say she's not?
so, is he feeling guilty?
yes.

he begged me to meet him at the pool,
so i went.

he kept asking me what's wrong.
& i said nothing.
what can i tell him ?
who am i to tell him?

& when he kept trying to get my hands,
i rejected and pulled back.
i feel cheated already,
why should i play with his hands like i use to?

i felt like crying again,
i felt so bad.
i felt so distant from him though he was just infronta me.
i felt like there's a barrier between us now.

& i finally told w* everything.
everything that i've been feeling all these while.
i told his i didn't know what i am to him and all.
and this wa shis reply.

"sometimes i just want to tell u to be my life pathner/gf.. but yet i cant. rmb i say good things are worth waiting for? i feel stress too making you feel we're close yet we're not. im sorry if i make you feel lost. i do care abt you alot and i want to apologise. i want to be in ya life for long. not try things and risk screwing them up. "

i felt a stab.
i felt like i've said the wrong thing.
but then again,
i felt his sincerity.
that wasnt the only thing he said,
but yeah,
that was probably one of the more impt ones.

but no, im not gonna give in this time.
i can't just take it that nothing is wrong like i always do.
this time,
it's not the same.

i still wanna know,
what is she doing at his place?
wasn't his suppsoe to meet me?
i waited and waited.
and when he finally called after 2 hours,
i saw him with someone else.

stab.

i felt so shit that the first thing i wanted to do was to walk back home and tear the things in that box up.
i wanted to throw the cranes out of the window,
tear the album up.
but then again,
i couldnt bear to do it.

why do so much for him when im always feeling so lost?
& when im alwaysfeeling uncertain?

a woman's intuiation[?] is always right.
i can trust myself on that.

i know what im thinking and feeling now is right.

thank you to those who were there.
ngiam, rene, jaz, marr, wong, kiang, el.
& surprise surprise.
mr tour guide talked to me yesterday at like 1 in the morning.
that sorta put my mind off some stuff.
thankyou for just talking [:

i miss him so bad now.
& what makes it worse,
i have a paper tmr and i'm sick.
fuck.

11:08 AM

come what may.

i've never felt so hurt ever before.

11:10 PM

come what may.

im worried.

wheree are you?

didn't call me,
didn't reply my msg.

this is not normal.

:/

9:28 PM

come what may.

why issit that everytime im troubled,
you can actually tell ?

why?
can't you just not be able to tell?
sigh ):

when you kept asking what's wrong,
i dunno why but i just blurted out
"why should i tell you just becos you wanna know?"
& your reply,
" becos i care? "

ahh,
i dont know.
you make me so confuse you know.

sometimes i just keep askingmyself,
"am i someone you come home to meet just cos you're coming home? "

william,
you know i felt so lonely today ):
and where were you?
i was left all alone at home feeding the dog, buying stuff from ntuc, cleaning, clearing the things
& i don't even know where the hell you were.
i felt so..
helpless.
& when u finally called,
you wanted me to go meet you.
why should i when u ask me to?
when i was trying to look for you,
you were nowhere to be found.
but yet when you want me,
i've gotta be there?
why should i?
):

why am i even putting myself through such torment?

i should pull myself outta this.
shouldn't i?
):

11:13 PM

come what may.

i'm like talking to marr online now.
[:

ahh, nice talks about the men !
you know,
sometimes i guess i think too much ?
but,
it really isn't my fault.
i'm a girl,
i'm sensitive.

ahh,
and sometimes i dont know if i rather you tell me everything or not.

you do,
which is good.
but sometimes,
i just rather you not ?

he said that i can never leave his life cos he wont allow me to.
but what if he leaves mine ?
):

ahh, women :/

i wanna be superwoman!
i wanna be able to fly to him anytime i like.

tho sometimes he claims that he's superman,
i doubt he is!
):

whereeeee areeeee youuuuu william lim!
):

i can't sleep now becos of you!

i
miss
you ):

2:46 AM

come what may.

2012 [:

hawaii !
[:

i miss you ):

1:28 AM

come what may.